


Whatever Doesn't Kill You

by helens78



Category: due South
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sexual Tension, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-05
Updated: 2011-04-05
Packaged: 2017-10-17 15:27:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/178285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray says yes, but then he tells Fraser to go.  How long can this possibly go on before Fraser can't stand it anymore?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever Doesn't Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavy angst that kind of sprung out of my head unattached to any sort of resolution. Um. Sorry? >_>

They've been necking on the couch for all of two minutes, Fraser's head buzzing with the sensation of _now, now, finally, finally, now, oh God you taste so good_ , his tongue deep inside Ray's mouth, his thighs between Ray's legs, when all at once he realizes he's been waiting long enough. Fraser shoves his hand down the front of Ray's jeans, clutching at Ray's hot, hard, cock.

He barely gets a palmful, gets a slick swipe of precome against the inside of his wrist, and then Ray jerks upward, head knocking into Fraser's, and he bursts out a little surprised, gasping, "Oh--" and suddenly the inside of Fraser's wrist is _very_ slick, hot and wet.

He stares down at Ray in shock, but Ray won't look at him. His face is turned to one side, his cheeks burning red, his chest heaving with his breath, and he grimaces as Fraser slides his hand back out of Ray's jeans.

"It's all right," Fraser says softly, but it comes out as a question. _Is it? Is it all right?_ Ray does not look like it's all right, and so when he opens his mouth, Fraser knows what he's going to say before he actually forms the words.

"You should go."

Fraser's heart beats so hard against the inside of his chest that he can actually feel the thud. _Thump-ump._

He stays there for a moment, still braced above Ray's body, hand still sticky with Ray's come. And then, because there seems little else to say, he says, "Of course, Ray," and he quietly licks his hand clean as he turns and walks out Ray's front door.

* * *

It was too fast, he thinks later. Too fast; he should have kept his hands above the waist, shouldn't have tried to move things along quite so quickly. But Ray's erection had been so hot and firm against his thigh, almost insistent, and--and--

He's nearly sick with relief when Ray calls the consulate and asks him to come in and liase with him on a case.

Ray still won't meet his eyes, but at least he seems to want Fraser there. By the time the case is over, his gaze is flickering over Fraser--usually skittering away quickly, but at least once in a while Fraser gets eye contact. At the end of the day, Fraser rubs at his eyebrow, figuring he has nothing to lose if he _doesn't_ ask.

"Would you like to have dinner?"

Ray doesn't answer at first. Fraser watches his eyes slide from one side of the room to the other, until finally he nods and says, very softly, "Sure, Frase. Yeah."

* * *

Dinner is forgotten almost immediately; it was takeout, and they get it up the stairs, but once they're in Ray's apartment, Ray just puts the bag on the kitchen counter and turns to Fraser and says, "Fuck me."

Fraser blinks at him. This? After the last time? After all day long, wondering what he could to to make Ray look at him again? Ray wants--now? Here?

Fraser's thoughts are all jumbled, but his body's moving in spite of himself. He puts his hands on Ray's hips and drags Ray close, and when Ray's lips brush against his, he whispers, "How do you want me to...?"

Ray exhales softly and puts his hands on Fraser's cheeks, cupping his face. "In the bedroom. I got stuff."

 _Stuff?_ Fraser wonders, but when he follows Ray back to the bedroom, it's only the usual items--lubricant, condoms. He turns to look at Ray, wondering what Ray has in mind, wondering if Ray always has lubricant and condoms in his nightstand, but Ray's undressing, now, sliding into bed, face down, legs spread.

A good deal of the blood in Fraser's body rushes between his legs, and if he's refusing to notice the way Ray isn't looking at him, well--well. It can hardly be helped.

He strips down, too, leaving his clothes at the side of the bed, and he climbs between Ray's legs. Ray's shoulders are locked with tension, and when Fraser slides two fingertips into Ray's cleft, Ray jerks forward against the bed, clenching his muscles so tightly Fraser wonders how he can actually expect this to work.

"Ray--"

"Just do it," Ray mumbles. "Don't--I don't need it to be sweet, okay?"

Fraser's chest feels tight, but he nods, nods where Ray can't see him. "I--all right," he says. "I just... I'd rather not cause you any discomfort..."

Ray laughs, but it isn't a kind noise. "Whatever," he says. "It's getting fucked, how's it not gonna cause discomfort?"

For a flash of an instant, Fraser wonders who Ray's been having sex with, that he thinks discomfort is so normal--but he sighs, then, and takes Ray at his word. _I don't need it to be sweet_ , Ray said, and so Fraser goes for the efficient route, slicking his fingers thoroughly and then easing Ray open. It feels like easing Ray open despite himself, and that's--it was Ray's idea, why is his body struggling so much with this?--but Fraser can't be expected to turn down something he's wanted so badly for so long, not when Ray's whispering underneath him, grunting out soft sounds that are almost words, almost _yeah, yeah, yeah_ against the pillow.

"Ray," Fraser whispers, and it's time, now; he pushes in, slow, steady, groaning as Ray tightens and clenches against him. "Ray--let me... please, Ray..."

Ray grunts again and spreads his legs a little wider, and then Fraser's sinking, moving in deep and hard, rolling his hips against Ray's backside. He moans, openmouthed against the back of Ray's neck. " _Ray_."

"Yeah," Ray growls. He nods; Fraser can feel the motion. "Okay," he murmurs. "Fuck me."

It's such a crude phrase for what Fraser wants to give him, but he realizes that it's all Ray's body is offering him, all he's going to get out of Ray tonight--a _fuck_ , rough and simple, two bodies joining, nothing more. He'd feel guilty about that, even empty, but right now he's so wrapped up in the sensation of being inside Ray, moving inside Ray, that he can't think about much else.

Ray, underneath him. Ray, surrounding him. Ray is warmth and beauty and smells like heat and lust and-- _fear_ , Fraser realizes, but _what_ , but _why_ \--why is he afraid of this?

He slips his hand underneath Ray's hip, trying to get Ray to lift a little, enough Fraser can touch him. Ray doesn't cooperate, though: this is clearly meant to be all for Fraser's benefit.

It's too confusing to contemplate, especially now, while he's thrusting in and out of Ray, lust and need drawing to a fever pitch--and then he's there, gasping as he comes deep inside Ray's body.

The afterglow lasts a few brief, precious seconds before Ray starts shifting. Fraser's braced to hear it this time, but it hurts anyway.

"You should go."

"All right," Fraser whispers. "May I clean up a bit first?"

"Yeah."

By the time Fraser gets out of the bathroom--and it isn't as if he took his time--Ray's fully-dressed, looking out his bedroom window. He doesn't look at Fraser this time, either.

"Ray--"

"I'll see you tomorrow. At work," Ray says, still gazing down at the streetlights. "Okay?"

"Yes, Ray, of course," Fraser says. He lets himself out, but before he goes down the hall, he rests against the wall by Ray's front door and closes his eyes.

This will either make sense someday, or it'll kill him. One of the two.

He pushes away from the wall and heads home. Tomorrow. Tomorrow might have answers. He'll be back at the 27th precinct in the morning.

 _-end-_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [How One Becomes What One Is (Behind The Mask Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/188483) by [helens78](https://archiveofourown.org/users/helens78/pseuds/helens78)




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